How To Annoy Your Dog

a) Call her “Butt-licker”: What?! I call ’em like I see ’em. And she does it. Granted, I use that sing-songy taunting voice (you know the one): “Maizie is a butt-licker, Maizie is a butt-licker.” So that may be why she doesn’t like it…

7) Laugh at her: On a walk this winter, she started to take off after something (a squirrel, a cat, who knows) and slid on the ice. I thought it was hysterical. She did not. She did her horse impression — where she rears up on her hind legs. Which means “Stop laughing at me!”

d) Get out the ironing board: She scrambles into the next room faster than if I had just filled her food dish. But how else am I supposed to iron my clothes?!

12) Insert her name into random songs: “Maizie, do a dollop” (the Daisy sour cream jingle); “Soooo, Maizie can wait, she knows it’s too late, to go walking outside…” (lyrics from “Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis); “Maizie, Maizie Crockett, queen of the wild frontier…” (“The Ballad of Davy Crockett”); “This magic Maizie…” (lyrics from “This Magic Moment” by Lou Reed)

Revenge is sweet.


One thought on “How To Annoy Your Dog

  1. I have another. Give her a bath. I just finished washing five of them. (I ran out of hot water). Boy are they annoyed!

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