“You’re Killing Me, Smalls”

This is a recent addition to the list of things I say when I have one of those “Seriously?” moments due to something Maizie does. In case you’re unfamiliar, it’s a line from The Sandlot. (I’m not sure how or why I saw The Sandlot so many times. I’m blaming younger brothers and younger guy cousins for this one.) Urban Dictionary explains it perfectly. It’s great for uttering right after the eye-roll-inducing, I-can’t-believe-you’re-doing-this actions that Maizie seems to be adding to every day:

1) When I go into the bathroom, Maizie follows. But she doesn’t want me to think she’s following me, so she gets a drink from her water bowl, which is right near the bathroom door. She does this Every. Single. Time. You ain’t foolin’ nobody, Maizie.

2) When Maizie insists on turning circles at least 20 times before she decides that, yes, this is an ok place to poop or pee. Meanwhile, I’m freezing, or being rained on, or I just want to go inside so I can go to bed.

3) When she gets a drink of water, and then stands there staring at me, while I watch water just dribble out of her mouth all over the floor. As though she has a big hole in her chin. It’s my very favorite when I don’t actually see this happen, but — in my socks — I step in the puddle she’s left in a random spot on the kitchen floor.

*Sigh* You’re KILLING me, Smalls.